Single Black Women: Why Are There So Many?

Lately there have been several articles, blogs and even hour long news specials trying to determine why there are so many single Black women.

Some have said that there's a lack of "good Black men". They contend that a large percentage of Black men are either incarcerated, on the down low, gay, or already married. Furthermore, they suggest that many men who don't fall into any of those categories are either players, liars, afraid of commitment, or just plain low-lives. This is simply not true. Most studies show that 1 in 10 Black men are incarcerated, which leaves 9 that aren't.

There are also bloggers, writers and "relationship experts" that suggest that the Black church and religion keep Black women single. Although organized religion does have an element of brainwashing associated with it, all Black women don't attend church regularly nor do all of them subscribe to the tenants of organized religion.

Some common denominators that can be found amongst the vast majority of single Black women are their friendships with other single Black women, their desire to compete with and/or keep up with the "Joneses", and the "misery loves company" syndrome.

That's right; the REAL reason that there are a lot of single Black women is other single Black women.
The desire to be accepted by their peers causes women to overlook men who they are attracted to because they may not live up to their friends’ expectations. Black women can be very critical of one another and in doing so can cause their friends to be very conscious of who they date for fear that they will be the topic of conversation when they aren’t around. Take a woman who is getting married for instance, more often than not, instead of their friends just being happy for them, they will critique the entire wedding, from the dress to the floral arrangements, to the temperature in the church, to whether or not it started on time, to how long the kiss lasted, to who acted a fool, etc, etc, etc... God forbid the man is not absolutely PERFECT; they will talk about her like she’s the biggest fool in the world for marrying him. This causes women to not even give some men a chance if they feel like he can’t pass the “friends test”, instead of just being with the type of person SHE likes and not worrying about what others will think.

If one or some of a single woman’s friends are in a relationship, there are a few scenarios that will play out depending on the type of person the single woman is.

“The Joneses”

One scenario is that she will constantly overlook men that she likes in order to find one that she thinks is a better catch than the man/men her friend(s) are dating, instead of just being with the type of person SHE likes and not worrying about what others will think. Thus, leaving her drifting single and alone hoping to find that guy that makes her friend(s) gush over him and call her a lucky girl for finding him.

“Misery Loves Company Syndrome”

Another scenario is that she will begin to envy her friend(s) that are in relationships and begin to attempt to sabotage their relationship. Inevitably, relationships will have rough patches and those involved will look to their friends for answers as to how to get out of those rough patches. This is when the misery loves company syndrome kicks in. Instead of the single friend trying to help the involved friend find ways to resolve conflict in the relationship, she finds all the reasons in the world why she should just leave “his trifling ass”.

Sadly, more often than not the friend that is going through the rough patch falls for this and ends up back in the pool of single women.

If Black women would decide for themselves what kind of man THEY like, and not what their friends expect them to like, they will find that the pickings aren’t as slim as they think. Your love for and/or interest in a person should not be based on a competition with your friends, but solely on the desires of your heart. Be more supportive of one another, stop the hate and jealousy, and strike the word “settle” from your vocabulary. How could you be settling if it’s what YOU truly desire?


That’s the Green Chimp’s take, what yours?