Career Advice Tip #341: Running late? Don't show up 10 mins late, show up 3 hrs late so they'll think you had a REAL emergency.
Career Advice Tip #657: Running late? Can't be late anymore? Still have sick days? F*ck it, don't go!
Career Advice: Got errands to run during work hours? Show up out of dress code and do them when you get sent home to change.
Career Advice Tip #429: (for females) Wanna leave early? Wrap your sweater around your waist and tell them you "messed up your clothes".
Career Advice Tip #963: Need an excuse not to go? Tell them you're too distraught because your favorite show didn't win an Emmy.
Career Advice Tip #598: Don't wanna go, but need to save your sick time? Tell them you're there with them in spirit.
Career Advice Tip #036: Need an excuse for being late? Tell them they were playing "your jam" on the radio and you just couldn't get out of the car.
Career Advice Tip #786: Running late? Tell them Pastor’s still preaching, he's trying to break the Guinness record.
Career Advice Tip #168: Need to leave early? Stay in the restroom for 30 mins and tell them you got the bubble guts.
Career Advice Tip #231: Wanna get ahead? Tell your boss his lazy eye makes him look "distinguished".
Career Advice Tip #843: (female) Got competition for a promotion? Start a rumor that she gets ass injections.
Career Advice Tip #463: (male) Got competition for a promotion? Start a rumor that he responds to text messages with "K".
Career Advice Tip #315: If you're out of sick days, just call in dead!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Top Ten BMF Remixes That Don’t Get Air Play
10. Oh sh*t! Man I forgot, I shouldn't have touched it, that pot was hot! #BMF (Burned My Fingers)
9. Where's my check, you aint sh*t, deadbeats, make me sick! #BMF (Baby Mama Fussing)
8. Why'd you tell, man what the f*ck, that was a secret, you talk too much! #BMF (Big Mouth F*cker)
7. You thought she was sweet, but she's rude, said it's your kid, it's another dude's! #BMF (Big Mistake Fool)
6. You always crying broke, need to borrow, 20 dollars, pay you tomorrow! #BMF (Beggin Mutha F*cka)
5. Had it for 6 weeks, before it came out, Soul Plane, watched it at the house! #BMF (Bootleg Movie Fail)
4. I think you broke my seat, when you sat, yeah it was you, yo ass is fat! #BMF (Broke My Furniture)
3. You got a flat ass, with big titties, knock kneed, not that pretty! #BMF (Badly Made Female)
2. I think I'm buying drinks, ballin hard, bill came, declined my card! #BMF (Blew My Funds) or (Broke Mutha F*cka)
1. I think I gotta Pee, maybe boo-boo, stomach hurts, gotta doo-doo! #BMF (Bowels Moving Fast)
9. Where's my check, you aint sh*t, deadbeats, make me sick! #BMF (Baby Mama Fussing)
8. Why'd you tell, man what the f*ck, that was a secret, you talk too much! #BMF (Big Mouth F*cker)
7. You thought she was sweet, but she's rude, said it's your kid, it's another dude's! #BMF (Big Mistake Fool)
6. You always crying broke, need to borrow, 20 dollars, pay you tomorrow! #BMF (Beggin Mutha F*cka)
5. Had it for 6 weeks, before it came out, Soul Plane, watched it at the house! #BMF (Bootleg Movie Fail)
4. I think you broke my seat, when you sat, yeah it was you, yo ass is fat! #BMF (Broke My Furniture)
3. You got a flat ass, with big titties, knock kneed, not that pretty! #BMF (Badly Made Female)
2. I think I'm buying drinks, ballin hard, bill came, declined my card! #BMF (Blew My Funds) or (Broke Mutha F*cka)
1. I think I gotta Pee, maybe boo-boo, stomach hurts, gotta doo-doo! #BMF (Bowels Moving Fast)
Thursday, August 19, 2010
As Dr. Laura Turns
For the past week or so I have been seeing and hearing people trying to defend Dr. Laura Schlessinger for her use of the “N-Word”. They say if Black people can use the word why can’t anyone else? They also quote the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States. While I appreciate their thought process on this matter I have to point out to them that by the definition of racism, Black people cannot be racist.
Here is one definition of the term:
"Racism - the use of race to establish and justify a social hierarchy and system of power that privileges, preferences or advances certain individuals or groups of people usually at the expense of others. Racism is perpetuated through both interpersonal and institutional practices."
In layman's terms, in order to be racist one must possess the power to oppress. Black people do not and have not ever possessed that power.
When it comes to Dr. Laura, saying “nigger, nigger, nigger”, that was the least offensive thing that she did. She started off by saying that "people can be hyper-sensitive, when it comes to race", when she said that, she suggested that Black people don't know when they're being insulted or perhaps they don't know when to be offended and when not to be. I'm sorry, she doesn't get a pass for this, go back and listen to the entire conversation just once more and disregard the N-word part and see if you don't find it offensive, I know I did. Here--> www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7jkow7t0G8.
For her to suggest that Black people are hyper-sensitive about race is a classic white-supremacist and racist ideology.
I agree that there is a double standard that has been established in this matter. However, double standards are as much a part of our society as the very constitution that they use to defend her. For example, women call each other the B-word and nothing is said about it, but if a man does it, he’s wrong. Gay men call each other queer and fag, but if a straight person does it, he's homophobic or a gay basher. When a man sleeps with several women, he's a stud or a "playa", but when a woman does it she's a "hoe" or slut. Let's take it a bit further and talk about the disproportionately longer sentences that Black men get compared to their white counterparts who commit the exact same crime. ALL double standards! Are they wrong? Yes! Are they fair? No! But they are as American as apple pie. Dr. Laura decided that she was going to challenge this particular double standard and failed miserably. She has a nationally syndicated radio show and has to be more responsible with what she broadcasts. Since she wasn't, then she absolutely should have to resign. Maybe next time she will try to tackle a subject that she's more equipped to handle such as "The Effects of Insulin on Rats", which is how she obtained the title "Dr" in the first place because she has a PhD in physiology, not psychology.
Well, that’s the Green Chimp’s take on it what’s yours?
Here is one definition of the term:
"Racism - the use of race to establish and justify a social hierarchy and system of power that privileges, preferences or advances certain individuals or groups of people usually at the expense of others. Racism is perpetuated through both interpersonal and institutional practices."
In layman's terms, in order to be racist one must possess the power to oppress. Black people do not and have not ever possessed that power.
When it comes to Dr. Laura, saying “nigger, nigger, nigger”, that was the least offensive thing that she did. She started off by saying that "people can be hyper-sensitive, when it comes to race", when she said that, she suggested that Black people don't know when they're being insulted or perhaps they don't know when to be offended and when not to be. I'm sorry, she doesn't get a pass for this, go back and listen to the entire conversation just once more and disregard the N-word part and see if you don't find it offensive, I know I did. Here--> www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7jkow7t0G8.
For her to suggest that Black people are hyper-sensitive about race is a classic white-supremacist and racist ideology.
I agree that there is a double standard that has been established in this matter. However, double standards are as much a part of our society as the very constitution that they use to defend her. For example, women call each other the B-word and nothing is said about it, but if a man does it, he’s wrong. Gay men call each other queer and fag, but if a straight person does it, he's homophobic or a gay basher. When a man sleeps with several women, he's a stud or a "playa", but when a woman does it she's a "hoe" or slut. Let's take it a bit further and talk about the disproportionately longer sentences that Black men get compared to their white counterparts who commit the exact same crime. ALL double standards! Are they wrong? Yes! Are they fair? No! But they are as American as apple pie. Dr. Laura decided that she was going to challenge this particular double standard and failed miserably. She has a nationally syndicated radio show and has to be more responsible with what she broadcasts. Since she wasn't, then she absolutely should have to resign. Maybe next time she will try to tackle a subject that she's more equipped to handle such as "The Effects of Insulin on Rats", which is how she obtained the title "Dr" in the first place because she has a PhD in physiology, not psychology.
Well, that’s the Green Chimp’s take on it what’s yours?
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Single Black Women: Why Are There So Many?
Lately there have been several articles, blogs and even hour long news specials trying to determine why there are so many single Black women.
Some have said that there's a lack of "good Black men". They contend that a large percentage of Black men are either incarcerated, on the down low, gay, or already married. Furthermore, they suggest that many men who don't fall into any of those categories are either players, liars, afraid of commitment, or just plain low-lives. This is simply not true. Most studies show that 1 in 10 Black men are incarcerated, which leaves 9 that aren't.
There are also bloggers, writers and "relationship experts" that suggest that the Black church and religion keep Black women single. Although organized religion does have an element of brainwashing associated with it, all Black women don't attend church regularly nor do all of them subscribe to the tenants of organized religion.
Some common denominators that can be found amongst the vast majority of single Black women are their friendships with other single Black women, their desire to compete with and/or keep up with the "Joneses", and the "misery loves company" syndrome.
That's right; the REAL reason that there are a lot of single Black women is other single Black women.
The desire to be accepted by their peers causes women to overlook men who they are attracted to because they may not live up to their friends’ expectations. Black women can be very critical of one another and in doing so can cause their friends to be very conscious of who they date for fear that they will be the topic of conversation when they aren’t around. Take a woman who is getting married for instance, more often than not, instead of their friends just being happy for them, they will critique the entire wedding, from the dress to the floral arrangements, to the temperature in the church, to whether or not it started on time, to how long the kiss lasted, to who acted a fool, etc, etc, etc... God forbid the man is not absolutely PERFECT; they will talk about her like she’s the biggest fool in the world for marrying him. This causes women to not even give some men a chance if they feel like he can’t pass the “friends test”, instead of just being with the type of person SHE likes and not worrying about what others will think.
If one or some of a single woman’s friends are in a relationship, there are a few scenarios that will play out depending on the type of person the single woman is.
“The Joneses”
One scenario is that she will constantly overlook men that she likes in order to find one that she thinks is a better catch than the man/men her friend(s) are dating, instead of just being with the type of person SHE likes and not worrying about what others will think. Thus, leaving her drifting single and alone hoping to find that guy that makes her friend(s) gush over him and call her a lucky girl for finding him.
“Misery Loves Company Syndrome”
Another scenario is that she will begin to envy her friend(s) that are in relationships and begin to attempt to sabotage their relationship. Inevitably, relationships will have rough patches and those involved will look to their friends for answers as to how to get out of those rough patches. This is when the misery loves company syndrome kicks in. Instead of the single friend trying to help the involved friend find ways to resolve conflict in the relationship, she finds all the reasons in the world why she should just leave “his trifling ass”.
Sadly, more often than not the friend that is going through the rough patch falls for this and ends up back in the pool of single women.
If Black women would decide for themselves what kind of man THEY like, and not what their friends expect them to like, they will find that the pickings aren’t as slim as they think. Your love for and/or interest in a person should not be based on a competition with your friends, but solely on the desires of your heart. Be more supportive of one another, stop the hate and jealousy, and strike the word “settle” from your vocabulary. How could you be settling if it’s what YOU truly desire?
That’s the Green Chimp’s take, what yours?
Some have said that there's a lack of "good Black men". They contend that a large percentage of Black men are either incarcerated, on the down low, gay, or already married. Furthermore, they suggest that many men who don't fall into any of those categories are either players, liars, afraid of commitment, or just plain low-lives. This is simply not true. Most studies show that 1 in 10 Black men are incarcerated, which leaves 9 that aren't.
There are also bloggers, writers and "relationship experts" that suggest that the Black church and religion keep Black women single. Although organized religion does have an element of brainwashing associated with it, all Black women don't attend church regularly nor do all of them subscribe to the tenants of organized religion.
Some common denominators that can be found amongst the vast majority of single Black women are their friendships with other single Black women, their desire to compete with and/or keep up with the "Joneses", and the "misery loves company" syndrome.
That's right; the REAL reason that there are a lot of single Black women is other single Black women.
The desire to be accepted by their peers causes women to overlook men who they are attracted to because they may not live up to their friends’ expectations. Black women can be very critical of one another and in doing so can cause their friends to be very conscious of who they date for fear that they will be the topic of conversation when they aren’t around. Take a woman who is getting married for instance, more often than not, instead of their friends just being happy for them, they will critique the entire wedding, from the dress to the floral arrangements, to the temperature in the church, to whether or not it started on time, to how long the kiss lasted, to who acted a fool, etc, etc, etc... God forbid the man is not absolutely PERFECT; they will talk about her like she’s the biggest fool in the world for marrying him. This causes women to not even give some men a chance if they feel like he can’t pass the “friends test”, instead of just being with the type of person SHE likes and not worrying about what others will think.
If one or some of a single woman’s friends are in a relationship, there are a few scenarios that will play out depending on the type of person the single woman is.
“The Joneses”
One scenario is that she will constantly overlook men that she likes in order to find one that she thinks is a better catch than the man/men her friend(s) are dating, instead of just being with the type of person SHE likes and not worrying about what others will think. Thus, leaving her drifting single and alone hoping to find that guy that makes her friend(s) gush over him and call her a lucky girl for finding him.
“Misery Loves Company Syndrome”
Another scenario is that she will begin to envy her friend(s) that are in relationships and begin to attempt to sabotage their relationship. Inevitably, relationships will have rough patches and those involved will look to their friends for answers as to how to get out of those rough patches. This is when the misery loves company syndrome kicks in. Instead of the single friend trying to help the involved friend find ways to resolve conflict in the relationship, she finds all the reasons in the world why she should just leave “his trifling ass”.
Sadly, more often than not the friend that is going through the rough patch falls for this and ends up back in the pool of single women.
If Black women would decide for themselves what kind of man THEY like, and not what their friends expect them to like, they will find that the pickings aren’t as slim as they think. Your love for and/or interest in a person should not be based on a competition with your friends, but solely on the desires of your heart. Be more supportive of one another, stop the hate and jealousy, and strike the word “settle” from your vocabulary. How could you be settling if it’s what YOU truly desire?
That’s the Green Chimp’s take, what yours?
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