Decisions, Decisions...

Recently a New Jersey judge ruled that an expectant father can be banned from the delivery room if the mother doesn't want him there. Here's what baffles me about this: They both decided to have sex. They both decided to have that sex without protection knowing full well what could happen. But once she becomes pregnant, the man is no longer included in the decision making process. First, she gets to choose whether or not she's going to go through with the pregnancy or terminate it. Then, if she decides to have the baby, she gets to decide whether or not he can be in the delivery room to see the child that they BOTH made. After that she gets to decide whether or not she's going to raise it herself or give it up for adoption. Next, she gets to decide the name of the child. Then, after she's made that decision, she gets to decide how involved in the child's life the father can be. Sure, he can go to court and have a judge decide how often he can see his child, but when have you ever seen a judge grant 24/7 visitation? He's not just going to grant custody, "just because". You have to damn near prove that the woman is the spawn of Satan for that to happen. She gets to decide what school the child goes to and whether or not the father can visit that school. She gets to decide which city and state the child lives in, thus effectively trumping any visitation rights the father was granted depending on the distance they live from him. She even gets to decide the father's financial future by filing for child support. Given the extreme amounts that judges are ordering men to pay these days, that could definitely become a financial obligation that he may not be able to shoulder. Add the pressure of going to jail or having licences suspended for failing to pay, now she's also making decisions regarding his emotional well being.

On top of all that, she gets to decide what the narrative will be. She gets to whine and complain when he misses milestones like the first day of school, birthdays, and graduations. But she never has to own up to her part for him not being involved in the child's life even though she's been shutting him out since the child's first day in the world. She gets to wear the "single mother" badge of strength and courage albeit a self-inflicted status.

Notice how his decision making powers stopped way back on Day 1 of the process, right after he decided not to pull out.

Inevitably people will say that there's no excuse for a man not to be involved in his child's life and that he should fight tooth and nail to be involved. To that I ask, why? Why should he HAVE to fight? Back on Day 1 they both made the decision to have unprotected sex and he didn't have to fight tooth and nail for it. Why should she be allowed to make him have to fight instead of being obligated to allow him to be a part of the life of the child that they produced together? If not for the father's benefit, but for the good of the child who deserves to have two loving parents involved in his/her life because they didn't ask nor decide to be here. Numerous studies show an enormous achievement gap between children of single parent homes and those from two parent homes. It is completely unfair how fathers are treated and often demonized because of the decisions that the mother has made.

Moral of the story: Wrap it up, B. If you don't and she gets pregnant, you can be punished if you DECIDE not to stay in a relationship her.

Well, that's The Green Chimp's take. What's yours?

What's In A Word? (Revised and Reloaded)

How is it that a word that has seemingly no official origin can for centuries, divide, degrade, and demean an entire race of people? One little six letter word that can be used maliciously and as a term of endearment has managed to cause debates, discussions and even arguments for years. Some say it originated when Europeans referred to people of color that came from the region near the River Niger. They were said to have referred to them as “nigers”. That’s right, if you haven’t guessed it, I’m talking about the word “nigger”.


The English language has over 200,000 words and is ever changing and evolving, which leads some to believe that there are over 1 million words in the English language already. Why is it that this ONE word causes so much controversy?

What’s in a word….really?

There was a time when school children, in an attempt to deflect what someone was saying about them or their family, would say, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.

Why does the word “nigger” hurt so much?

Some people contend that it’s the history of the word, the malice with which it was used, and the actions of the people that used it towards Blacks. This is a valid point; knowing and understanding your history is important. However, it’s one thing to know your history, but it's another when you can't let go of the past.

During slavery and the Jim Crow era, a white person calling you a "nigger" was the absolute least of things they could or would do to you. I don’t recall seeing any photographs or watching any movies where the word nigger was used to hang a Black person, but I have seen when a noose was used. Why isn’t “noose” a more controversial word?

In fact out of the over 200,000 words in the English language, I can think of several other words that are used to describe Black people that are far more hurtful and detrimental to the race than "nigger". To name a few: uneducated, unemployed, under-employed, uninsured, uninformed, unintelligent, underprivileged, everything but UNified. Seems to me being called an "un" is far worse than being called a nigger.

Repeat the next string of words aloud and see what happens: NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER.

How many young Black men got shot dead in the streets when you did that? How many young Black girls got pregnant? How many Black women contracted HIV? How many Black men lost their jobs? How many young Black men decided to drop out of high school? How many Black children went hungry? How many died because they can’t afford decent healthcare?

Yes, given its history the word “nigger” is nasty and hateful, but we have given it too much power for far too long. We have allowed it to be a distraction from our real issues for far too long. Why? Because a White man told us that it was a derogatory term that was intended to degrade and demoralize us? Is it simply because a White man said that was the case that we let six letters define who we are as a people?

Now here we are again allowing White people to frame the discussion about the word nigger. The NFL is considering making it a penalty if a player on the field uses the word. Are you kidding? Why does this word get so mush reverence? Again, I get the history of the word, but even still it's just a word. It's just plain silly!

Whether you use the word and feel like you're stripping it of its power by changing the spelling and context when you use it, or if you have made a conscious decision not to use it anymore, either way you're still giving it too much attention. We have several issues that have a negative impact on our communities and our race as a whole. If we were to list them, the word “nigger” should be at the bottom. Better yet, it shouldn't even make the list.

If it's true that actions speak louder than words then we are definitely focusing on the wrong thing, because a White man in this country never has to utter the word nigger to still think you're one and to treat you as such. They can shoot you down in the streets in cold blood, they can violate your fourth amendment rights by illegally searching you as you walk home from school and never once utter the word "nigger" when doing so. Does it make it right or better? Absolutely not! So to hell with the words, we need to focus on the actions. Both our actions to better ourselves and the actions of those who would create obstacles to stop our progress.



Well that’s The Green Chimp’s take on it. What’s yours?