How is it that a word that has seemingly no official origin can for centuries, divide, degrade, and demean an entire race of people? One little six letter word that can be used maliciously and as a term of endearment has managed to cause debates, discussions and even arguments for years. Some say it originated when Europeans referred to people of color that came from the region near the River Niger. They were said to have referred to them as “nigers”. That’s right, if you haven’t guessed it, I’m talking about the word “nigger”.
The English language has over 200,000 words and is ever changing and evolving, which leads some to believe that there are over 1 million words in the English language already. Why is it that this ONE word causes so much controversy?
What’s in a word….really?
There was a time when school children, in an attempt to deflect what someone was saying about them or their family, would say, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.
Why does the word “nigger” hurt so much?
Some people contend that it’s the history of the word, the malice with which it was used, and the actions of the people that used it towards Blacks. This is a valid point; knowing and understanding your history is important. However, it’s one thing to know your history, but it's another when you can't let go of the past.
During slavery and the Jim Crow era, a white person calling you a "nigger" was the absolute least of things they could or would do to you. I don’t recall seeing any photographs or watching any movies where the word nigger was used to hang a Black person, but I have seen when a noose was used. Why isn’t “noose” a more controversial word?
In fact out of the over 200,000 words in the English language, I can think of several other words that are used to describe Black people that are far more hurtful and detrimental to the race than "nigger". To name a few: uneducated, unemployed, under-employed, uninsured, uninformed, everything but unified. Seems to me being called an "un" is far worse than being called a nigger.
Repeat the next string of words aloud and see what happens: NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER.
How many young Black men got shot dead in the streets when you did that? How many young Black girls got pregnant? How many Black women contracted HIV? How many Black men lost their jobs? How many young Black men decided to drop out of high school? How many Black children went hungry? How many died because they can’t afford decent healthcare?
Yes, given its history the word “nigger” is nasty and hateful, but we have given it too much power for far too long. We have allowed it to be a distraction from our real issues for far too long. Why? Because a White man told us that it was a derogatory term that was intended to degrade and demoralize us? Is it simply because a White man said that was the case that we let six letters define who we are as a people?
We have several issues that have a negative impact on our communities and our race as a whole. If we were to list them, the word “nigger” should be at the bottom. Better yet, it shouldn’t even make the list.
Well that’s The Green Chimp’s take on it. What’s yours?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS (FINALE)
Scene 7(Finale)
Willie is awakened by the chirp of a car alarm being set. He goes to the window to see who just parked outside of his and he sees Fahkir coming around the front of an '84 Cutlass and walking toward the front door. Willie dashes downstairs to greet Fahkir.
Willie (talking through the door as he opens it): Aww man Fucker, am I glad to see you! I've been having the craziest fuckin' dre--
Willie tries to give Fahkir a pound but his fist passes right through Fahkir's hand.
Willie: Naw maaan!! Not you too!
Ghostly Fahkir: I am not Fahkir, I am the ghost of Christmas future. Follow meee, follow meee, follow meee.
Willie: But wait, you're a...Y'all don't celebre....Man fuck it, where we going?
Ghostly Fahkir: Follow meeee
Willie and the ghost walk back to the '84 Cutlass.
Willie: Man you always gotta try to be different don't you? All the other ghosts floated, but you got a nigga walking to this ragglass car.
Willie gets into the passenger seat. Ghostly Fahkir gets into the drivers seat, cranks the car and turns up the radio.
“Iiii saw mommy kissing Saaanta Claus, (Santa Claus) underneath the mistletoe last niiiiight”
Willie (sarcastically): Ha Ha, very fucking funny, I see you got jokes and shit witcha see through ass.
Wiliie and Ghostly Fahkir arrive at a high school football game where he sees Ja'stasia who looks much older than he remembers.
Announcer: He's at the 40, the 30, the 20, 10, 5...TOUCHDOWN WILDCATS!!!! Willasious Turner has scored his fourth rushing touchdown of the game!! What an amazing talent this kid is.
Ja'stasia: That's my baby! That's my baby!
Before Willie could say anything, he and Ghostly Fahkir are back in the Cutlass.
Willie: Where are we going now?
They come to an apartment where Williasious and Ja'stasia are sitting at the table having a late dinner.
Williasious: Mom?
Ja'stasia: Yes baby.
Willasious: I'm thinking about giving up football.
Ja'stasia: WHAT!?! Why on earth would you want to do that? You love football, and so many colleges want you to come play for them and are offering you a free ride. You could be the first Turner to go to college. Why don't you want to play anymore?
Willasious: Well, after the games all the other players' dads are waiting on them to pat them on the back even the ones that are drunk and cuss the refs out the whole time. Don't get me wrong ma, it's great to see you at the end of the game with that big smile on your face, but it's just not the same without having a dad there.
Ja'stasia: I--(speechless)
Meanwhile, Ghostly Fahkir has opened two movie-like windows on the kitchen cabinets showing Willie the scenarios for what would happen if Willasious kept playing football and went to college, and showing him getting into all kinds of trouble if he quits and hangs around Sofakinghood. Willie tries to say something to him and Ja'stasia but they can't see or hear him.
Ghostly Fahkir: You have a choice to make Willie. I will be there for you bro. *extends hand as if to give Willie some dap*
Willie reaches his hand out.
Ghostly Fahkir: *yanks hand back* SIKE!!! Thought you had a friend!
Willie (yelling at Ghostly Fahkir as he vanishes laughing uncontrollably): You play too got damn much Fucker!!
Willie is tossing and turning in his bed and still cursing Ghostly Fahkir out.
Willie: You old shoe bombing, gas station clerking, towel head summamabitch!!
Ms. Jackson hears Willie and wakes him up.
Ms. Jackson: Willie! Wake up! Willie, you're having a bad dream, wake up!
Willie jumps out of the bed and feels his mother's arms and face to make sure she's real.
Willie: Thank God you're real!
Ms. Jackson: Of course I'm real fool! I told you, you need to stop smoking that shit!
Willie: I thought you were going out, what time is it?
Ms. Jackson: It's only 8:30 and you know how your grandma is about getting to the club too early.
Willie: I know, I know. Only squares and stalkers get to the club that early. Anyway, I gotta go! I'll be back. Oh, and Merry Christmas ma!
Ms. Jackson: Wow! I haven't heard that from you in years. Merry Christmas Willie!
Willie dashes out of the house to Ja'stasia's Nail Shop and Condom Wholesale.
Willie bursts through the door of the nail shop.
Willie: Ja'stasia! We need to talk!
Ja'stasia: Fuck you want Willie? I already called yo grandmama back and told her I got the polish she needs.
Willie: No, it's not about that. Look, can we go in the back and talk?
Willie and Ja'stasia go to the back of the shop where he explains to her what happened at the Maury show and offers to take another DNA test from a place of her choice. They agree and Willie leaves.
As he is walking down the street his phone rings and it's Mr. Peterson, the head of the dog competition that he used to work for.
Mr. Peterson: Willie, I don't know how you keep getting away with this, The Mirandas who are our biggest contributors said that their grandson Travis had the most fun he's ever had at the show when you threw that boomerang and he has even decided to become a dog trainer. Well long story short, we want you back if you will come back.
Willie: Hmmm, let me think...Just kidding OF COURSE I'll come back.
They work out the particulars and Willie hangs up.
Willie (to himself): Now there's just one more thing I need to straighten out.
When Willie got home he went to one of those people finding websites and looked up Isaac Mayfield. Two weeks later, Isaac was at the front door. When Ms. Jackson answered he proposed on the spot, and she accepted. As for Willie, Ja'stasia and Willasious, they found out what Willie already knew. Willie was indeed the father. They sued the Maury show and won $200 million. Williasious was voted to his first Pro Bowl 20years later.
El fin (The End)
Willie is awakened by the chirp of a car alarm being set. He goes to the window to see who just parked outside of his and he sees Fahkir coming around the front of an '84 Cutlass and walking toward the front door. Willie dashes downstairs to greet Fahkir.
Willie (talking through the door as he opens it): Aww man Fucker, am I glad to see you! I've been having the craziest fuckin' dre--
Willie tries to give Fahkir a pound but his fist passes right through Fahkir's hand.
Willie: Naw maaan!! Not you too!
Ghostly Fahkir: I am not Fahkir, I am the ghost of Christmas future. Follow meee, follow meee, follow meee.
Willie: But wait, you're a...Y'all don't celebre....Man fuck it, where we going?
Ghostly Fahkir: Follow meeee
Willie and the ghost walk back to the '84 Cutlass.
Willie: Man you always gotta try to be different don't you? All the other ghosts floated, but you got a nigga walking to this ragglass car.
Willie gets into the passenger seat. Ghostly Fahkir gets into the drivers seat, cranks the car and turns up the radio.
“Iiii saw mommy kissing Saaanta Claus, (Santa Claus) underneath the mistletoe last niiiiight”
Willie (sarcastically): Ha Ha, very fucking funny, I see you got jokes and shit witcha see through ass.
Wiliie and Ghostly Fahkir arrive at a high school football game where he sees Ja'stasia who looks much older than he remembers.
Announcer: He's at the 40, the 30, the 20, 10, 5...TOUCHDOWN WILDCATS!!!! Willasious Turner has scored his fourth rushing touchdown of the game!! What an amazing talent this kid is.
Ja'stasia: That's my baby! That's my baby!
Before Willie could say anything, he and Ghostly Fahkir are back in the Cutlass.
Willie: Where are we going now?
They come to an apartment where Williasious and Ja'stasia are sitting at the table having a late dinner.
Williasious: Mom?
Ja'stasia: Yes baby.
Willasious: I'm thinking about giving up football.
Ja'stasia: WHAT!?! Why on earth would you want to do that? You love football, and so many colleges want you to come play for them and are offering you a free ride. You could be the first Turner to go to college. Why don't you want to play anymore?
Willasious: Well, after the games all the other players' dads are waiting on them to pat them on the back even the ones that are drunk and cuss the refs out the whole time. Don't get me wrong ma, it's great to see you at the end of the game with that big smile on your face, but it's just not the same without having a dad there.
Ja'stasia: I--(speechless)
Meanwhile, Ghostly Fahkir has opened two movie-like windows on the kitchen cabinets showing Willie the scenarios for what would happen if Willasious kept playing football and went to college, and showing him getting into all kinds of trouble if he quits and hangs around Sofakinghood. Willie tries to say something to him and Ja'stasia but they can't see or hear him.
Ghostly Fahkir: You have a choice to make Willie. I will be there for you bro. *extends hand as if to give Willie some dap*
Willie reaches his hand out.
Ghostly Fahkir: *yanks hand back* SIKE!!! Thought you had a friend!
Willie (yelling at Ghostly Fahkir as he vanishes laughing uncontrollably): You play too got damn much Fucker!!
Willie is tossing and turning in his bed and still cursing Ghostly Fahkir out.
Willie: You old shoe bombing, gas station clerking, towel head summamabitch!!
Ms. Jackson hears Willie and wakes him up.
Ms. Jackson: Willie! Wake up! Willie, you're having a bad dream, wake up!
Willie jumps out of the bed and feels his mother's arms and face to make sure she's real.
Willie: Thank God you're real!
Ms. Jackson: Of course I'm real fool! I told you, you need to stop smoking that shit!
Willie: I thought you were going out, what time is it?
Ms. Jackson: It's only 8:30 and you know how your grandma is about getting to the club too early.
Willie: I know, I know. Only squares and stalkers get to the club that early. Anyway, I gotta go! I'll be back. Oh, and Merry Christmas ma!
Ms. Jackson: Wow! I haven't heard that from you in years. Merry Christmas Willie!
Willie dashes out of the house to Ja'stasia's Nail Shop and Condom Wholesale.
Willie bursts through the door of the nail shop.
Willie: Ja'stasia! We need to talk!
Ja'stasia: Fuck you want Willie? I already called yo grandmama back and told her I got the polish she needs.
Willie: No, it's not about that. Look, can we go in the back and talk?
Willie and Ja'stasia go to the back of the shop where he explains to her what happened at the Maury show and offers to take another DNA test from a place of her choice. They agree and Willie leaves.
As he is walking down the street his phone rings and it's Mr. Peterson, the head of the dog competition that he used to work for.
Mr. Peterson: Willie, I don't know how you keep getting away with this, The Mirandas who are our biggest contributors said that their grandson Travis had the most fun he's ever had at the show when you threw that boomerang and he has even decided to become a dog trainer. Well long story short, we want you back if you will come back.
Willie: Hmmm, let me think...Just kidding OF COURSE I'll come back.
They work out the particulars and Willie hangs up.
Willie (to himself): Now there's just one more thing I need to straighten out.
When Willie got home he went to one of those people finding websites and looked up Isaac Mayfield. Two weeks later, Isaac was at the front door. When Ms. Jackson answered he proposed on the spot, and she accepted. As for Willie, Ja'stasia and Willasious, they found out what Willie already knew. Willie was indeed the father. They sued the Maury show and won $200 million. Williasious was voted to his first Pro Bowl 20years later.
El fin (The End)
Friday, December 24, 2010
A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS SCENES 4-6
Scene 4
Willie walks into the house and flops down on the couch and exhales. For some reason he starts to stare at the Christmas tree.
Willie: MA!!!....Yo Ma!
Willie's mom comes from the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron.
Ms. Jackson: What is it Willie? I'm trynna cook foe I go down to Huckabucks's with Florene and your grandmomma. Why you hollin' like you done lost yo mind? What little you had left.
Willie: I think your Christmas lights broke. Like they got a short in 'em or something.
Ms. Jackson: They look fine to me. What are you talking about?
Willie: Just look at 'em, watch 'em start blinking.
Ms. Jackson: Fool! They are supposed to blink! They're Christmas lights! You need to stop smokin that shit! I aint got time for this foolishness. You look high as a Mink coat!
Willie: Aint nobody high, I'm just tired.
Ms. Jackson: Tired? Tired from what? Yo ass aint worked in 2 weeks 'cause you got fired from your job as a Frisbee Thrower at the dog show. All you had to do was keep throwing the frisbees for the dogs like you been doing. But noooo, my son, Willie Donzellous Hamilton Jackson decides that it would be fun to throw a got damn boomerang and fucked around and had Mastivs and Border Collies all up in the stands trampling folks trying to get the damn thang. You lucky they just fired you and didn't lock yo crazy ass up.
Willie tunes Ms. Jackson out as she continues to read him the riot act.
Ms. Jackson: ...and aint no telling what little heffas you been having running in and outta here while I'm at work. You would thank that mess with Ja' whats her face woulda taught you something--
Willie: Ok, ok Ma dang!! Aren't you supposed to be going out?
Ms. Jackson: Oh shit! I almost forgot about my food in here fooling with you.
Ms. Jackson hurries back into the kitchen to see a cloud of smoke.
Ms. Jackson: Got dammit Willie!! I done burnt my biscuits.
Willie tiptoes upstairs to his room to avoid round 2 with his mom.
Willie (to himself): Whew boy! A nigga tired eh fuh.
*turns on TV, lays on the bed and dozes off*
(End Scene)
SCENE 5
Willie is awakened by a really cool breeze in his room.
Willie(rubbing his arms trying to heat them up): What the hell going on in here it's cold as a muffuka! I bet mama turned off the heat by mistake on her way out.
As Willie goes down the hallway to check the thermostat, he hears the sound of chains rattling, then suddenly sees a man that appears to be transparent, dressed in a Santa outfit coming towards him.
Willie(screams): Aaaaahhhhh!!! Who the fuck are you?? What are you doing in here? And why the fuck you turn off the heat? Wait a minute, you the mall Santa from when I was six!!
Ghostly Santa(in an echoing ghostly voice): I am the ghost of Christmas Past. Follow meeee! Follow meee! Follow meeee....
Willie tries to run but his feet won't move and he starts to float behind his visitor. Willie and Ghostly Santa pass through the red brick walls of his project buliding and float outside to the window of another project apartment. He remembered the apartment from his childhood. There was the picture of Jesus on the wall in the living room, the big ass wooden spoon and fork on the wall in the kitchen, the plastic runner that went from the front of the apartment all the way to the back door, the beads hanging in the doorway to separate rooms, and the neon picture of the naked black woman that glows when you turn on the purple(black) light behind a card table where Ms. Jackson, Ms. Florene, Auntie Helen and Grandma Jackson are playing spades.
Willie: Hey man, this is my old apartment. What are we doing here?
Ghostly Santa gestures for Willie to be quiet and to pay attention.
(background music)
Bells will be ringing
this sad sad sad news
Oh what a Christmas
to have the blues
Grandama Jackson: You a got damn lie Helen! You DID cut diamonds!
Auntie Helen: Aint nobody cut no diamonds yo ass just drunk! If you think I renigged then pick the book.
Grandma Jackson reaches for the whole pile of books that Auntie Helen and Ms. Florene have dragged.
Auntie Helen: Oh hell no you aint!!! Pick the book I renigged on. You aint finna be looking through all our books.
Ms. Jackson: Ahhh hell, here we go with this shit. Mama, just let it go. We gone set they ass anyway.
Grandma Jackson: Naw, Janice. Fuck that! This bitch cheats everytime we play cards and you always talmbout let it go. Unh-uh not this time! And Helen don't thank I didn't know that was you that stole that quarter out my pocketbook when y'all was little either. Always have been a cheater and a liar. I hope yo husband find out about that cracka' with that chink wife you been messin'round with, and I hope her little Cambodian ass kung-fu the shit outta you!
Ms. Jackson(Gasps): MAMA!?!
Grandma Jackson: Well it's true, tell me I'm lying if it aint the truth. Tell the truth and shame the devil!
Ms. Jackson: You know what? That's it, all y'all gots to go. You aint got to go home, but you got to get the hell outta here. You too mama, let's go. Make no damn sense, y'all can't sit down and have a few dranks with out starting some shit.
Grandma Jackson(scoffs): Well I've been thrown out of better places than this. Where my got damn coat?
Ms. Florene(Willie's mom's best friend), pulls Ms. Jackson to the side.
Ms. Florene(to Ms. Jackson under her breath): Bitch you aint slick, It's 10:30, which means the mall is closed and Isaac's shift as the mall Santa is over.
Ms. Jackson(giggling): Girrrrl, you know I love me some Isaac. Don't say nothing to mama nem though, you know how they can be.
Ms. Florene: You know your secret's safe with me.
Grandma Jackson(still riled up): I know y'all bitches aint over there whispereing bout me!!
Ms. Florene: No, Mrs. Ernestine we aint talking about you. You got your coat? Come on, I'll drop you and Helen off.
Auntie Helen: SHOTGUN!!!
Grandma Jackson: I'ont want yo ass setting behind me no way, 'cause I don't trust you far as I can throw you.
Ms. Florene laughs and shakes her head and the three leave.
A few minutes later there's a knock at the door.
Ms. Jackson: Hey baby, I see you came right over after work. You know I love a man in uniform, but I guess yo Santa outfit will have to do.
Isaac: Ha ha, very funny Janice. But I couldn't wait to see you. Where's the little man?
Ms. Jackson: Oh, he's upstairs sleep.
Isaac(with a devilish grin): Oh yeah????
The two fall on the couch and proceed to get it on.
Willie turns away because he knows what's about to happen.
Ms. Jackson: Isaac stop!
Isaac: What's wrong baby?
Ms. Jackson: You gotta go.
Isaac: Wait, what I do?
Ms. Jackson: Just go Isaac, just go.
Isaac leaves and Ms. Jackson sits on the couch devastated.
Ms. Jackson(to herself): Damn! I can't believe I let Willie see me doing that. What am I going to say to him?
Ghostly Santa looks at Willie who has tears in his eyes.
Ghostly Santa: Nigga you crying??
Willie: Naw man, aint nobody crying. Sometimes my eyeballs just sweat. Why did you bring me here?
Ghostly Santa: Your mother was so hurt by the fact that you saw that, that she never allowed Isaac to visit again and eventually she cut off all communication with him, even though she was madly in love with him and thought they would get married someday.
Willie: Damn, I never knew that.
Ghostly Santa vanishes...
(End Scene)
Scene 6
Willie wakes up out of his bed in a cold sweat.
Willie: Man, that's some good shit Dr. Anderson has this week. That dream was crazy as a muffucka.
Willie drifts back off to sleep. As soon as he's sleeping again he hears...
Jeffery Jingles(dressed in a long white robe):
On the first day if Christmas my true love gave to meeee, A real bad case of herpeeees
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 2 strange rashes, and a real bad case of herpeees
On the third day of Christmas my true love ga--
Willie: Jeffrey Jingles! What the fuck are you doing in my house? And why aint yo feet touching the ground?
Ghostly Jeffrey: I'm not Jeffrey Jingles, I am the ghost of Christmas Present. Follow meee, follow meeee, follow meeee.
Willie(to himself): This can't be life. I gotta quit smoking that shit.
Ghostly Jeffrey and Willie float off together to the set of the Maury show.
Willie: Maaan, how did I know when you showed up it was gonna be some bullshit? What are we doing at the Maury show?
Ghostly Jeffrey motions for Willie to look as a production assistant and Maury are having a talk before Willie and Ja'stasia's segment.
PA: Maury we have the results in the case of Willasious, Willie, and Ja'stasia.
Maury: Ok, what are they.
PA: Looks like Willie IS the father.
Maury: Damn it!! That's the fourth one this week! Our ratings are going to take a hit, we have to change those results.
PA: But--
Maury: No buts, if you want to keep your job you will change those results.
*Cut to Willie and Ja'stasia's segment
Ja'stasia: Muhrry, I'm is one hundred and thirty thousand percent sure that this is Willie's baby!! Look at him Muhrry! Look at his nose and his eyebrows, that's Willie all day!
Maury: Willie, why don't you think this adorable baby boy is yours?
Willie: Plain and simple Marr, she a hoe!
Audience: Boooo!!!! (beeeep) Boooo!!!
Ja'stasia: If I'm a hoe, yo mama a hoe. Matter fact yo grandmama a hoe. Err'body know she fucking the Mr. Jimmy who owns the Jimmy's Title Pawn and Vegetable Market.
Willie: Bitch you better get off my grandmama
Ja'stasia: Don't tell me that, tell Mr. Jimmy!
Maury: Ok, OK you two. I have the results...
Willie relives the moment in his head then remembers the conversation between Maury and the production assistant.
Willie: Mutha! Fucka!!
Ghostly Jeffrey vanishes.
(End Scene)
Willie walks into the house and flops down on the couch and exhales. For some reason he starts to stare at the Christmas tree.
Willie: MA!!!....Yo Ma!
Willie's mom comes from the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron.
Ms. Jackson: What is it Willie? I'm trynna cook foe I go down to Huckabucks's with Florene and your grandmomma. Why you hollin' like you done lost yo mind? What little you had left.
Willie: I think your Christmas lights broke. Like they got a short in 'em or something.
Ms. Jackson: They look fine to me. What are you talking about?
Willie: Just look at 'em, watch 'em start blinking.
Ms. Jackson: Fool! They are supposed to blink! They're Christmas lights! You need to stop smokin that shit! I aint got time for this foolishness. You look high as a Mink coat!
Willie: Aint nobody high, I'm just tired.
Ms. Jackson: Tired? Tired from what? Yo ass aint worked in 2 weeks 'cause you got fired from your job as a Frisbee Thrower at the dog show. All you had to do was keep throwing the frisbees for the dogs like you been doing. But noooo, my son, Willie Donzellous Hamilton Jackson decides that it would be fun to throw a got damn boomerang and fucked around and had Mastivs and Border Collies all up in the stands trampling folks trying to get the damn thang. You lucky they just fired you and didn't lock yo crazy ass up.
Willie tunes Ms. Jackson out as she continues to read him the riot act.
Ms. Jackson: ...and aint no telling what little heffas you been having running in and outta here while I'm at work. You would thank that mess with Ja' whats her face woulda taught you something--
Willie: Ok, ok Ma dang!! Aren't you supposed to be going out?
Ms. Jackson: Oh shit! I almost forgot about my food in here fooling with you.
Ms. Jackson hurries back into the kitchen to see a cloud of smoke.
Ms. Jackson: Got dammit Willie!! I done burnt my biscuits.
Willie tiptoes upstairs to his room to avoid round 2 with his mom.
Willie (to himself): Whew boy! A nigga tired eh fuh.
*turns on TV, lays on the bed and dozes off*
(End Scene)
SCENE 5
Willie is awakened by a really cool breeze in his room.
Willie(rubbing his arms trying to heat them up): What the hell going on in here it's cold as a muffuka! I bet mama turned off the heat by mistake on her way out.
As Willie goes down the hallway to check the thermostat, he hears the sound of chains rattling, then suddenly sees a man that appears to be transparent, dressed in a Santa outfit coming towards him.
Willie(screams): Aaaaahhhhh!!! Who the fuck are you?? What are you doing in here? And why the fuck you turn off the heat? Wait a minute, you the mall Santa from when I was six!!
Ghostly Santa(in an echoing ghostly voice): I am the ghost of Christmas Past. Follow meeee! Follow meee! Follow meeee....
Willie tries to run but his feet won't move and he starts to float behind his visitor. Willie and Ghostly Santa pass through the red brick walls of his project buliding and float outside to the window of another project apartment. He remembered the apartment from his childhood. There was the picture of Jesus on the wall in the living room, the big ass wooden spoon and fork on the wall in the kitchen, the plastic runner that went from the front of the apartment all the way to the back door, the beads hanging in the doorway to separate rooms, and the neon picture of the naked black woman that glows when you turn on the purple(black) light behind a card table where Ms. Jackson, Ms. Florene, Auntie Helen and Grandma Jackson are playing spades.
Willie: Hey man, this is my old apartment. What are we doing here?
Ghostly Santa gestures for Willie to be quiet and to pay attention.
(background music)
Bells will be ringing
this sad sad sad news
Oh what a Christmas
to have the blues
Grandama Jackson: You a got damn lie Helen! You DID cut diamonds!
Auntie Helen: Aint nobody cut no diamonds yo ass just drunk! If you think I renigged then pick the book.
Grandma Jackson reaches for the whole pile of books that Auntie Helen and Ms. Florene have dragged.
Auntie Helen: Oh hell no you aint!!! Pick the book I renigged on. You aint finna be looking through all our books.
Ms. Jackson: Ahhh hell, here we go with this shit. Mama, just let it go. We gone set they ass anyway.
Grandma Jackson: Naw, Janice. Fuck that! This bitch cheats everytime we play cards and you always talmbout let it go. Unh-uh not this time! And Helen don't thank I didn't know that was you that stole that quarter out my pocketbook when y'all was little either. Always have been a cheater and a liar. I hope yo husband find out about that cracka' with that chink wife you been messin'round with, and I hope her little Cambodian ass kung-fu the shit outta you!
Ms. Jackson(Gasps): MAMA!?!
Grandma Jackson: Well it's true, tell me I'm lying if it aint the truth. Tell the truth and shame the devil!
Ms. Jackson: You know what? That's it, all y'all gots to go. You aint got to go home, but you got to get the hell outta here. You too mama, let's go. Make no damn sense, y'all can't sit down and have a few dranks with out starting some shit.
Grandma Jackson(scoffs): Well I've been thrown out of better places than this. Where my got damn coat?
Ms. Florene(Willie's mom's best friend), pulls Ms. Jackson to the side.
Ms. Florene(to Ms. Jackson under her breath): Bitch you aint slick, It's 10:30, which means the mall is closed and Isaac's shift as the mall Santa is over.
Ms. Jackson(giggling): Girrrrl, you know I love me some Isaac. Don't say nothing to mama nem though, you know how they can be.
Ms. Florene: You know your secret's safe with me.
Grandma Jackson(still riled up): I know y'all bitches aint over there whispereing bout me!!
Ms. Florene: No, Mrs. Ernestine we aint talking about you. You got your coat? Come on, I'll drop you and Helen off.
Auntie Helen: SHOTGUN!!!
Grandma Jackson: I'ont want yo ass setting behind me no way, 'cause I don't trust you far as I can throw you.
Ms. Florene laughs and shakes her head and the three leave.
A few minutes later there's a knock at the door.
Ms. Jackson: Hey baby, I see you came right over after work. You know I love a man in uniform, but I guess yo Santa outfit will have to do.
Isaac: Ha ha, very funny Janice. But I couldn't wait to see you. Where's the little man?
Ms. Jackson: Oh, he's upstairs sleep.
Isaac(with a devilish grin): Oh yeah????
The two fall on the couch and proceed to get it on.
Willie turns away because he knows what's about to happen.
Ms. Jackson: Isaac stop!
Isaac: What's wrong baby?
Ms. Jackson: You gotta go.
Isaac: Wait, what I do?
Ms. Jackson: Just go Isaac, just go.
Isaac leaves and Ms. Jackson sits on the couch devastated.
Ms. Jackson(to herself): Damn! I can't believe I let Willie see me doing that. What am I going to say to him?
Ghostly Santa looks at Willie who has tears in his eyes.
Ghostly Santa: Nigga you crying??
Willie: Naw man, aint nobody crying. Sometimes my eyeballs just sweat. Why did you bring me here?
Ghostly Santa: Your mother was so hurt by the fact that you saw that, that she never allowed Isaac to visit again and eventually she cut off all communication with him, even though she was madly in love with him and thought they would get married someday.
Willie: Damn, I never knew that.
Ghostly Santa vanishes...
(End Scene)
Scene 6
Willie wakes up out of his bed in a cold sweat.
Willie: Man, that's some good shit Dr. Anderson has this week. That dream was crazy as a muffucka.
Willie drifts back off to sleep. As soon as he's sleeping again he hears...
Jeffery Jingles(dressed in a long white robe):
On the first day if Christmas my true love gave to meeee, A real bad case of herpeeees
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 2 strange rashes, and a real bad case of herpeees
On the third day of Christmas my true love ga--
Willie: Jeffrey Jingles! What the fuck are you doing in my house? And why aint yo feet touching the ground?
Ghostly Jeffrey: I'm not Jeffrey Jingles, I am the ghost of Christmas Present. Follow meee, follow meeee, follow meeee.
Willie(to himself): This can't be life. I gotta quit smoking that shit.
Ghostly Jeffrey and Willie float off together to the set of the Maury show.
Willie: Maaan, how did I know when you showed up it was gonna be some bullshit? What are we doing at the Maury show?
Ghostly Jeffrey motions for Willie to look as a production assistant and Maury are having a talk before Willie and Ja'stasia's segment.
PA: Maury we have the results in the case of Willasious, Willie, and Ja'stasia.
Maury: Ok, what are they.
PA: Looks like Willie IS the father.
Maury: Damn it!! That's the fourth one this week! Our ratings are going to take a hit, we have to change those results.
PA: But--
Maury: No buts, if you want to keep your job you will change those results.
*Cut to Willie and Ja'stasia's segment
Ja'stasia: Muhrry, I'm is one hundred and thirty thousand percent sure that this is Willie's baby!! Look at him Muhrry! Look at his nose and his eyebrows, that's Willie all day!
Maury: Willie, why don't you think this adorable baby boy is yours?
Willie: Plain and simple Marr, she a hoe!
Audience: Boooo!!!! (beeeep) Boooo!!!
Ja'stasia: If I'm a hoe, yo mama a hoe. Matter fact yo grandmama a hoe. Err'body know she fucking the Mr. Jimmy who owns the Jimmy's Title Pawn and Vegetable Market.
Willie: Bitch you better get off my grandmama
Ja'stasia: Don't tell me that, tell Mr. Jimmy!
Maury: Ok, OK you two. I have the results...
Willie relives the moment in his head then remembers the conversation between Maury and the production assistant.
Willie: Mutha! Fucka!!
Ghostly Jeffrey vanishes.
(End Scene)
Thursday, December 23, 2010
A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS
SCENE 3
When Willie arrives at Dr. Anderson's office he notices something familiar about it but he can't quite put his finger on it.
Dr. Anderson: Good Afternoon Willie. Come on in.
Willie: What's up Doc? *bellows out a laugh* My bad, I've always wanted to say that.
Dr. Anderson: *blank stare* I've heard it a million times before. Have a seat on the couch, you know the routine.
As Willie approached the couch the thing that was so familiar hit him.
Willie: Maaaan, shiiiid. I aint sitting on that couch!
Dr. Anderson: Why not?
Willie: That couch smells like Bath and Body Works Cumcumber Melon and Funyuns! And everybody in Sofakinghood knows that don't nobody wear that lotion and love Funyuns but Cleta! Naw Doc, Imma stand up. I aint gone be here long anyway.
Dr. Anderson gives Willie a quizzical look trying to see what he knows.
Willie: Ohhhhh snap!! That's why that hoe started blushing when I said I was coming over here!
Dr. Anderson: Don't call her that Willie! People just don't understand Cleta like I do.
Willie: Say What Doc!?!? Man, PLEASE don't tell me you in love with the neighborhood hoe! Dude, she's been ran in to more times than the opposing team's endzone at a Detroit Lions game!
Dr. Anderson: Ok, OK! Enough about her, this session is about YOU! Now, the last time you were here you were talking about how you hate Christmas.
Willie: Yeah Doc, It all started when I asked Santa for a Red Radio Flyer wagon with the white wheels when me and my mom went to the mall that year. Now that I think back on it, I remember Santa looking at my mom more than he was looking at me. Later that night, my mom and her friends played cards anf fried fish like they usually did on Friday nights. *pauses*
Dr. Anderson: Go on.
Willie: Well, after the music died down and the cigarette smoke cleared, I went downstairs to see if my mom had fallen asleep on the couch like she usually did.
Dr. Anderson: Well, did she?
Willie: Damn nigga let me finish! To answer yo question, hell naw she wasn't sleep. Her ass was on the sofa but her ass wasn't sleep!
Dr. Anderson sits quietly.
Willie: So you wanna know what happened or not?
Dr. Anderson: Yes, but you just--
Willie: Well shit you just sitting there looking crazy. Anyway, all I see is a dude in a Santa coat smashing my mom, and to this day every Christmas when I see a damn mall Santa I wonder if that's the dude that was smashing my mom. I fucking hate Christmas.
Dr. Anderson: Got damn!! I meant, hmmm that's interesting. And how does that make you feel?
Willie: It makes me feel like the stools the elephants sit on at the circus...SHITTY!!! Never did get that damn wagon either.
After several hours of Willie talking about things he didn't get for Christmas and how it was always a disappointment, Dr. Anderson cut in.
Dr. Anderson: Wow, Willie I think you really had a break through today. Let's end here and pick up next week. What'll it be? Your usual dub sack?
Willie: You know it Doc.
Willie leaves Dr. Anderson's office and rolls one in the elevator. He figures he can smoke one on the way home and have a good night's sleep. As Willie hits his block he hears the all too familiar carol coming from across the street. It was Jeffery Jingles doing his night gig as the Sofakinghood pimp.
Jeffrey Jingles (to the tune of Winter Wonderland):
Hoes trick-IIING, are ya listening?
I want my doooough, or ass I'm kicking
I want my money toniiight, or bitch we gone fiiight
and Imma smack you with my killa pimpin' haaand...
Willie shakes his head and walks in the house to go to sleep.
(End Scene)
When Willie arrives at Dr. Anderson's office he notices something familiar about it but he can't quite put his finger on it.
Dr. Anderson: Good Afternoon Willie. Come on in.
Willie: What's up Doc? *bellows out a laugh* My bad, I've always wanted to say that.
Dr. Anderson: *blank stare* I've heard it a million times before. Have a seat on the couch, you know the routine.
As Willie approached the couch the thing that was so familiar hit him.
Willie: Maaaan, shiiiid. I aint sitting on that couch!
Dr. Anderson: Why not?
Willie: That couch smells like Bath and Body Works Cumcumber Melon and Funyuns! And everybody in Sofakinghood knows that don't nobody wear that lotion and love Funyuns but Cleta! Naw Doc, Imma stand up. I aint gone be here long anyway.
Dr. Anderson gives Willie a quizzical look trying to see what he knows.
Willie: Ohhhhh snap!! That's why that hoe started blushing when I said I was coming over here!
Dr. Anderson: Don't call her that Willie! People just don't understand Cleta like I do.
Willie: Say What Doc!?!? Man, PLEASE don't tell me you in love with the neighborhood hoe! Dude, she's been ran in to more times than the opposing team's endzone at a Detroit Lions game!
Dr. Anderson: Ok, OK! Enough about her, this session is about YOU! Now, the last time you were here you were talking about how you hate Christmas.
Willie: Yeah Doc, It all started when I asked Santa for a Red Radio Flyer wagon with the white wheels when me and my mom went to the mall that year. Now that I think back on it, I remember Santa looking at my mom more than he was looking at me. Later that night, my mom and her friends played cards anf fried fish like they usually did on Friday nights. *pauses*
Dr. Anderson: Go on.
Willie: Well, after the music died down and the cigarette smoke cleared, I went downstairs to see if my mom had fallen asleep on the couch like she usually did.
Dr. Anderson: Well, did she?
Willie: Damn nigga let me finish! To answer yo question, hell naw she wasn't sleep. Her ass was on the sofa but her ass wasn't sleep!
Dr. Anderson sits quietly.
Willie: So you wanna know what happened or not?
Dr. Anderson: Yes, but you just--
Willie: Well shit you just sitting there looking crazy. Anyway, all I see is a dude in a Santa coat smashing my mom, and to this day every Christmas when I see a damn mall Santa I wonder if that's the dude that was smashing my mom. I fucking hate Christmas.
Dr. Anderson: Got damn!! I meant, hmmm that's interesting. And how does that make you feel?
Willie: It makes me feel like the stools the elephants sit on at the circus...SHITTY!!! Never did get that damn wagon either.
After several hours of Willie talking about things he didn't get for Christmas and how it was always a disappointment, Dr. Anderson cut in.
Dr. Anderson: Wow, Willie I think you really had a break through today. Let's end here and pick up next week. What'll it be? Your usual dub sack?
Willie: You know it Doc.
Willie leaves Dr. Anderson's office and rolls one in the elevator. He figures he can smoke one on the way home and have a good night's sleep. As Willie hits his block he hears the all too familiar carol coming from across the street. It was Jeffery Jingles doing his night gig as the Sofakinghood pimp.
Jeffrey Jingles (to the tune of Winter Wonderland):
Hoes trick-IIING, are ya listening?
I want my doooough, or ass I'm kicking
I want my money toniiight, or bitch we gone fiiight
and Imma smack you with my killa pimpin' haaand...
Willie shakes his head and walks in the house to go to sleep.
(End Scene)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS SCENE 2
Scene 2
Scene opens with Willie Jackson a few blocks away. As Willie Jackson makes his way around the corner Whiz Khalifa's "Black and Yellow" blares from his coat pocket.
"uh-huh, you know what it iiiis, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow..."
Willie looks down at his phone's display and it reads, "Fucker aka Aaron".
Willie: What's up Fucker? Did I leave something at your store?
Fahkir: Why you gotta play so much Willie? Damn! You too old for that shit. Anyway man, these "folks" are in my store and they wanna know what you seen.
Willie: Nigga, you know I'on fuck wit no police! This aint the First 48 and I aint no snitch! Fuck off my phone wit dat! *click*
"uh-huh, you know what it iiiis, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow..."
Without looking this time Willie just flips his phone open (Of course, Willie still has a flip phone. What hood nigga you know with a smartphone?).
Willie(yelling into the phone walkie talkie style): Look muuufucka I told you I aint got nothing to say to no got damn police nigga!!!
Voice from phone: Lort Gawd in heaven, Willie Donzellous Hamilton Jackson! I know this aint you using that devilish language!!
Willie: Grandma???
Grandma Ernestine Jackson: Yes it's me you foul mouthed Phillistine!!!
Willie: I'm sorry grandma, I thought you were Fuc--, Aaron. Everything ok? How you doing?
Grandma Jackson: It's ok baby. Grandma doing alright, I guess I understand cause that Fucker can sho get on yo got damn nerves can't he? Whoo chile!! I went in there last week to get a nip foe I went to Bingo and don't you know that stingy wanna be sand nigga wouldn't let me owe him 30 cents?
Willie: Dang that's fuc--, that's messed up grandma.
Grandma Jackson: Anyway, I need you to run over there to Ja'stasia's Nail Shop and Condom Wholesale and see if she done got some more of that silver Gel polish in.
Willie: Ok, but why don't you just call and ask her?
Grandma Jackson: Heffa won't answer her phone. They should never gave you niggas caller ID.
Willie: Haha, you funny grandma. But, why are you going way over to Ja'stasia's anyway when Me'Ling's Nail Salon and Cucumber Pickling Plant is right on the corner of your street?
Grandma Jackson: Cause Me'Ling don't carry the Gel polish and everytime I get my nails done with that regular polish I chip it when me and the rest of the usher board shoot craps in the fellowship hall after church on 3rd Sunday. You know they still got them hard ass cement floes. (under breath) building fund my ass...
Willie: Ok, I'll go ask her but you know I can't stand her after she tried to put that baby on me.
Grandma Jackson: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. You looked so cute on Maury though. And when that heffa took off running and you did that little dance on the stage I hollered!! Whooo! Tickled Reverend Henderson so bad he had to put on his oxygen tank for bout a hour. Anyway, let me get off this phone. Let me know what she say henh?
Willie: Yes Ma'am I wi--
(inaudible background noise)
Grandma Jackson (yelling to someone in the background): Shut up Herman, I'm coming, just let your feet soak a little longer!!! (fades) shit, if ya johnson got hard as ya bunyons, I wouldn't have to use that Bullet so much...
Willie slams his phone shut and shakes his head.
Willie(thinking out loud): Whew Grandma wild!!
Cleta: Who wild Willie?
(startled) Willie: Ohhh, what's up Cleta? Nobody I was thinking out loud.
Cleta: Nigga please! If yo ass can't think in silence, I know damn well you can't think out loud.
Willie: I thought enough to use a rubber before I ran up in you.
Cleta: Go to hell Willie!
Willie: No, I'd rather not get inside your pants again.
Cleta(sarcastically): Ha ha, that's cute. Where you finna go?
Willie: Shiiid, you know them folks got me going to see Dr. Anderson talmbout a nigga got anger issues.
Cleta: *pauses and blushes as she looks at the ground* Well, you did try to run over the crossing guard at the school 'cause you thought she used to wait 'til your car came to stop traffic every morning.
Willie: SHE DID! You'on know, anyway I'm running late. Oh, aye ask yo trifling ass sister if she got some of that polish that don't chip, that ummm *snaps fingers repeatedly*
Cleta: Gel polish?
Willie: Yeah! That's it! I couldn't remember what my grandma just said.
Cleta: That's cause all you do is smoke weed and play playstation.
Willie: Don't wurrr bout all dat! Just ask yo scallywag ass sister if she got it so I can tell my grandma.
Cleta: Why she gotta be all that Willie? She wasn't all that when she had yo baby.
Willie: That aint my baby!! Didn't you see the Maury episode we was on?
Cleta: Yeah, I saw it and Vocrenetta said sometimes them thangs can be wrong and I'm telling you Lil' Willasious (that Willie and Ja'stasia put together) got yo nose AND yo eyebrows.
Willie: Man, that don't mean shit! And aint Vocrenetta the same girl who asked if deers don't know how to read, how they know to cross at that "deer X-ing" sign? Besides, we took a DNA test. You know what DNA stands for don't you?
Cleta: What?
Willie: D-is N-igga A-int........the daddy!!!
They both laugh and Willie heads towards Dr. Anderson's office.
(End Scene)
Scene opens with Willie Jackson a few blocks away. As Willie Jackson makes his way around the corner Whiz Khalifa's "Black and Yellow" blares from his coat pocket.
"uh-huh, you know what it iiiis, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow..."
Willie looks down at his phone's display and it reads, "Fucker aka Aaron".
Willie: What's up Fucker? Did I leave something at your store?
Fahkir: Why you gotta play so much Willie? Damn! You too old for that shit. Anyway man, these "folks" are in my store and they wanna know what you seen.
Willie: Nigga, you know I'on fuck wit no police! This aint the First 48 and I aint no snitch! Fuck off my phone wit dat! *click*
"uh-huh, you know what it iiiis, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow..."
Without looking this time Willie just flips his phone open (Of course, Willie still has a flip phone. What hood nigga you know with a smartphone?).
Willie(yelling into the phone walkie talkie style): Look muuufucka I told you I aint got nothing to say to no got damn police nigga!!!
Voice from phone: Lort Gawd in heaven, Willie Donzellous Hamilton Jackson! I know this aint you using that devilish language!!
Willie: Grandma???
Grandma Ernestine Jackson: Yes it's me you foul mouthed Phillistine!!!
Willie: I'm sorry grandma, I thought you were Fuc--, Aaron. Everything ok? How you doing?
Grandma Jackson: It's ok baby. Grandma doing alright, I guess I understand cause that Fucker can sho get on yo got damn nerves can't he? Whoo chile!! I went in there last week to get a nip foe I went to Bingo and don't you know that stingy wanna be sand nigga wouldn't let me owe him 30 cents?
Willie: Dang that's fuc--, that's messed up grandma.
Grandma Jackson: Anyway, I need you to run over there to Ja'stasia's Nail Shop and Condom Wholesale and see if she done got some more of that silver Gel polish in.
Willie: Ok, but why don't you just call and ask her?
Grandma Jackson: Heffa won't answer her phone. They should never gave you niggas caller ID.
Willie: Haha, you funny grandma. But, why are you going way over to Ja'stasia's anyway when Me'Ling's Nail Salon and Cucumber Pickling Plant is right on the corner of your street?
Grandma Jackson: Cause Me'Ling don't carry the Gel polish and everytime I get my nails done with that regular polish I chip it when me and the rest of the usher board shoot craps in the fellowship hall after church on 3rd Sunday. You know they still got them hard ass cement floes. (under breath) building fund my ass...
Willie: Ok, I'll go ask her but you know I can't stand her after she tried to put that baby on me.
Grandma Jackson: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. You looked so cute on Maury though. And when that heffa took off running and you did that little dance on the stage I hollered!! Whooo! Tickled Reverend Henderson so bad he had to put on his oxygen tank for bout a hour. Anyway, let me get off this phone. Let me know what she say henh?
Willie: Yes Ma'am I wi--
(inaudible background noise)
Grandma Jackson (yelling to someone in the background): Shut up Herman, I'm coming, just let your feet soak a little longer!!! (fades) shit, if ya johnson got hard as ya bunyons, I wouldn't have to use that Bullet so much...
Willie slams his phone shut and shakes his head.
Willie(thinking out loud): Whew Grandma wild!!
Cleta: Who wild Willie?
(startled) Willie: Ohhh, what's up Cleta? Nobody I was thinking out loud.
Cleta: Nigga please! If yo ass can't think in silence, I know damn well you can't think out loud.
Willie: I thought enough to use a rubber before I ran up in you.
Cleta: Go to hell Willie!
Willie: No, I'd rather not get inside your pants again.
Cleta(sarcastically): Ha ha, that's cute. Where you finna go?
Willie: Shiiid, you know them folks got me going to see Dr. Anderson talmbout a nigga got anger issues.
Cleta: *pauses and blushes as she looks at the ground* Well, you did try to run over the crossing guard at the school 'cause you thought she used to wait 'til your car came to stop traffic every morning.
Willie: SHE DID! You'on know, anyway I'm running late. Oh, aye ask yo trifling ass sister if she got some of that polish that don't chip, that ummm *snaps fingers repeatedly*
Cleta: Gel polish?
Willie: Yeah! That's it! I couldn't remember what my grandma just said.
Cleta: That's cause all you do is smoke weed and play playstation.
Willie: Don't wurrr bout all dat! Just ask yo scallywag ass sister if she got it so I can tell my grandma.
Cleta: Why she gotta be all that Willie? She wasn't all that when she had yo baby.
Willie: That aint my baby!! Didn't you see the Maury episode we was on?
Cleta: Yeah, I saw it and Vocrenetta said sometimes them thangs can be wrong and I'm telling you Lil' Willasious (that Willie and Ja'stasia put together) got yo nose AND yo eyebrows.
Willie: Man, that don't mean shit! And aint Vocrenetta the same girl who asked if deers don't know how to read, how they know to cross at that "deer X-ing" sign? Besides, we took a DNA test. You know what DNA stands for don't you?
Cleta: What?
Willie: D-is N-igga A-int........the daddy!!!
They both laugh and Willie heads towards Dr. Anderson's office.
(End Scene)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS ACT 1
A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS
Cast of characters:
Fahkir: Owner of Fahkir's Liquor and Pawn
Jeffrey Jingles: Neighborhood thief and Christmas Caroler
Ja'stasia: the ghetto "classy" wanna be diva. Hustles the men for what she wants and does nails.
"Cleta da chrima ho": 'nuff said
Willie Jackson: A guy struggling to come to grips with his strong dislike for Christmas due to where he grew up and still lives.
Our story takes place in a town called Sofakinghood where people specialize in ratchetness aka "nigga shit".
Act 1
Willie Jackson is on his way to his weekly court ordered appointment to see his anger management counselor who also happens to be the town weed man on the low. As Willie is about to head into Fahkir's Liquor and Pawn he notices a really nice car that he hasn't seen around here before.
Willie (to himself): Looks like some crackers must've made a wrong turn.
No sooner than the thought crossed his mind he hears singing coming from the alley next to Fahkir's. He peeks around the corner and sees Jeffrey Jingles with his shirt raised just above his belt standing in front of a scared looking white couple.
Jeffrey Jingles (singing to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas):
I know you see this pistol,
I know you see this pistol,
I know you see this PIS-tol, so give me your shit
I don't want to shoot you
but you know I will,
So take off all your shit bitch and give it right here....
Willie ducks back out of sight and enters Fahkir's.
Willie: What's up Fucker!? Lemme get--
Fahkir: My name is FAHKIR! Fah...Keer!!!
Willie: Man, whatever! And why the hell you talking with that Middle Eastern accent? Yo daddy Australian and yo mama Cambodian. Don't forget we went to school together AARON! Don't think for one second that you're fooling anybody with that big ass beard either. You just look like a Chinese railroad worker that needs to shave.
Fahkir: Man, fuck you Willie! I told you I shed my slave name when I found the nation. What you want?
Willie: Pssh! Miss me with that shit man, everybody knows you did that when you went to jail so the Muslims would have your back and nobody would make you their bitch! Anyway, lemme get two Peach White Owls and a box of Wine Black and Milds.
Fahkir: You must be headed to see Dr. Anderson?
Willie: Mind your business! Oh, by the way Jeffrey Jingles' roguish ass is in the alley sticking up a White couple. They should come running in 5,4,3,2....
White man bursts through the door shouting, "Call the cops we've just been robbed!!"
Willie(laughing hysterically): Ha ha ha ha, Peace out Fucker!!!
Willie leaves Fahkir to deal with the couple and sees their car speeding down the block.
(End scene)
Cast of characters:
Fahkir: Owner of Fahkir's Liquor and Pawn
Jeffrey Jingles: Neighborhood thief and Christmas Caroler
Ja'stasia: the ghetto "classy" wanna be diva. Hustles the men for what she wants and does nails.
"Cleta da chrima ho": 'nuff said
Willie Jackson: A guy struggling to come to grips with his strong dislike for Christmas due to where he grew up and still lives.
Our story takes place in a town called Sofakinghood where people specialize in ratchetness aka "nigga shit".
Act 1
Willie Jackson is on his way to his weekly court ordered appointment to see his anger management counselor who also happens to be the town weed man on the low. As Willie is about to head into Fahkir's Liquor and Pawn he notices a really nice car that he hasn't seen around here before.
Willie (to himself): Looks like some crackers must've made a wrong turn.
No sooner than the thought crossed his mind he hears singing coming from the alley next to Fahkir's. He peeks around the corner and sees Jeffrey Jingles with his shirt raised just above his belt standing in front of a scared looking white couple.
Jeffrey Jingles (singing to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas):
I know you see this pistol,
I know you see this pistol,
I know you see this PIS-tol, so give me your shit
I don't want to shoot you
but you know I will,
So take off all your shit bitch and give it right here....
Willie ducks back out of sight and enters Fahkir's.
Willie: What's up Fucker!? Lemme get--
Fahkir: My name is FAHKIR! Fah...Keer!!!
Willie: Man, whatever! And why the hell you talking with that Middle Eastern accent? Yo daddy Australian and yo mama Cambodian. Don't forget we went to school together AARON! Don't think for one second that you're fooling anybody with that big ass beard either. You just look like a Chinese railroad worker that needs to shave.
Fahkir: Man, fuck you Willie! I told you I shed my slave name when I found the nation. What you want?
Willie: Pssh! Miss me with that shit man, everybody knows you did that when you went to jail so the Muslims would have your back and nobody would make you their bitch! Anyway, lemme get two Peach White Owls and a box of Wine Black and Milds.
Fahkir: You must be headed to see Dr. Anderson?
Willie: Mind your business! Oh, by the way Jeffrey Jingles' roguish ass is in the alley sticking up a White couple. They should come running in 5,4,3,2....
White man bursts through the door shouting, "Call the cops we've just been robbed!!"
Willie(laughing hysterically): Ha ha ha ha, Peace out Fucker!!!
Willie leaves Fahkir to deal with the couple and sees their car speeding down the block.
(End scene)
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