A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS

SCENE 3


When Willie arrives at Dr. Anderson's office he notices something familiar about it but he can't quite put his finger on it.

Dr. Anderson: Good Afternoon Willie. Come on in.

Willie: What's up Doc? *bellows out a laugh* My bad, I've always wanted to say that.

Dr. Anderson: *blank stare* I've heard it a million times before. Have a seat on the couch, you know the routine.

As Willie approached the couch the thing that was so familiar hit him.

Willie: Maaaan, shiiiid. I aint sitting on that couch!

Dr. Anderson: Why not?

Willie: That couch smells like Bath and Body Works Cumcumber Melon and Funyuns! And everybody in Sofakinghood knows that don't nobody wear that lotion and love Funyuns but Cleta! Naw Doc, Imma stand up. I aint gone be here long anyway.

Dr. Anderson gives Willie a quizzical look trying to see what he knows.

Willie: Ohhhhh snap!! That's why that hoe started blushing when I said I was coming over here!

Dr. Anderson: Don't call her that Willie! People just don't understand Cleta like I do.

Willie: Say What Doc!?!? Man, PLEASE don't tell me you in love with the neighborhood hoe! Dude, she's been ran in to more times than the opposing team's endzone at a Detroit Lions game!

Dr. Anderson: Ok, OK! Enough about her, this session is about YOU! Now, the last time you were here you were talking about how you hate Christmas.

Willie: Yeah Doc, It all started when I asked Santa for a Red Radio Flyer wagon with the white wheels when me and my mom went to the mall that year. Now that I think back on it, I remember Santa looking at my mom more than he was looking at me. Later that night, my mom and her friends played cards anf fried fish like they usually did on Friday nights. *pauses*


Dr. Anderson: Go on.

Willie: Well, after the music died down and the cigarette smoke cleared, I went downstairs to see if my mom had fallen asleep on the couch like she usually did.

Dr. Anderson: Well, did she?

Willie: Damn nigga let me finish! To answer yo question, hell naw she wasn't sleep. Her ass was on the sofa but her ass wasn't sleep!

Dr. Anderson sits quietly.

Willie: So you wanna know what happened or not?

Dr. Anderson: Yes, but you just--

Willie: Well shit you just sitting there looking crazy. Anyway, all I see is a dude in a Santa coat smashing my mom, and to this day every Christmas when I see a damn mall Santa I wonder if that's the dude that was smashing my mom. I fucking hate Christmas.

Dr. Anderson: Got damn!! I meant, hmmm that's interesting. And how does that make you feel?

Willie: It makes me feel like the stools the elephants sit on at the circus...SHITTY!!! Never did get that damn wagon either.

After several hours of Willie talking about things he didn't get for Christmas and how it was always a disappointment, Dr. Anderson cut in.

Dr. Anderson: Wow, Willie I think you really had a break through today. Let's end here and pick up next week. What'll it be? Your usual dub sack?

Willie: You know it Doc.

Willie leaves Dr. Anderson's office and rolls one in the elevator. He figures he can smoke one on the way home and have a good night's sleep. As Willie hits his block he hears the all too familiar carol coming from across the street. It was Jeffery Jingles doing his night gig as the Sofakinghood pimp.

Jeffrey Jingles (to the tune of Winter Wonderland):

Hoes trick-IIING, are ya listening?

I want my doooough, or ass I'm kicking

I want my money toniiight, or bitch we gone fiiight

and Imma smack you with my killa pimpin' haaand...

Willie shakes his head and walks in the house to go to sleep.

(End Scene)