A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS (FINALE)

Scene 7(Finale)


Willie is awakened by the chirp of a car alarm being set. He goes to the window to see who just parked outside of his and he sees Fahkir coming around the front of an '84 Cutlass and walking toward the front door. Willie dashes downstairs to greet Fahkir.

Willie (talking through the door as he opens it): Aww man Fucker, am I glad to see you! I've been having the craziest fuckin' dre--

Willie tries to give Fahkir a pound but his fist passes right through Fahkir's hand.

Willie: Naw maaan!! Not you too!

Ghostly Fahkir: I am not Fahkir, I am the ghost of Christmas future. Follow meee, follow meee, follow meee.

Willie: But wait, you're a...Y'all don't celebre....Man fuck it, where we going?

Ghostly Fahkir: Follow meeee

Willie and the ghost walk back to the '84 Cutlass.

Willie: Man you always gotta try to be different don't you? All the other ghosts floated, but you got a nigga walking to this ragglass car.

Willie gets into the passenger seat. Ghostly Fahkir gets into the drivers seat, cranks the car and turns up the radio.

“Iiii saw mommy kissing Saaanta Claus, (Santa Claus) underneath the mistletoe last niiiiight”

Willie (sarcastically): Ha Ha, very fucking funny, I see you got jokes and shit witcha see through ass.

Wiliie and Ghostly Fahkir arrive at a high school football game where he sees Ja'stasia who looks much older than he remembers.

Announcer: He's at the 40, the 30, the 20, 10, 5...TOUCHDOWN WILDCATS!!!! Willasious Turner has scored his fourth rushing touchdown of the game!! What an amazing talent this kid is.

Ja'stasia: That's my baby! That's my baby!

Before Willie could say anything, he and Ghostly Fahkir are back in the Cutlass.

Willie: Where are we going now?

They come to an apartment where Williasious and Ja'stasia are sitting at the table having a late dinner.

Williasious: Mom?

Ja'stasia: Yes baby.

Willasious: I'm thinking about giving up football.

Ja'stasia: WHAT!?! Why on earth would you want to do that? You love football, and so many colleges want you to come play for them and are offering you a free ride. You could be the first Turner to go to college. Why don't you want to play anymore?

Willasious: Well, after the games all the other players' dads are waiting on them to pat them on the back even the ones that are drunk and cuss the refs out the whole time. Don't get me wrong ma, it's great to see you at the end of the game with that big smile on your face, but it's just not the same without having a dad there.

Ja'stasia: I--(speechless)

Meanwhile, Ghostly Fahkir has opened two movie-like windows on the kitchen cabinets showing Willie the scenarios for what would happen if Willasious kept playing football and went to college, and showing him getting into all kinds of trouble if he quits and hangs around Sofakinghood. Willie tries to say something to him and Ja'stasia but they can't see or hear him.

Ghostly Fahkir: You have a choice to make Willie. I will be there for you bro. *extends hand as if to give Willie some dap*

Willie reaches his hand out.

Ghostly Fahkir: *yanks hand back* SIKE!!! Thought you had a friend!

Willie (yelling at Ghostly Fahkir as he vanishes laughing uncontrollably): You play too got damn much Fucker!!

Willie is tossing and turning in his bed and still cursing Ghostly Fahkir out.

Willie: You old shoe bombing, gas station clerking, towel head summamabitch!!

Ms. Jackson hears Willie and wakes him up.

Ms. Jackson: Willie! Wake up! Willie, you're having a bad dream, wake up!

Willie jumps out of the bed and feels his mother's arms and face to make sure she's real.

Willie: Thank God you're real!

Ms. Jackson: Of course I'm real fool! I told you, you need to stop smoking that shit!

Willie: I thought you were going out, what time is it?

Ms. Jackson: It's only 8:30 and you know how your grandma is about getting to the club too early.

Willie: I know, I know. Only squares and stalkers get to the club that early. Anyway, I gotta go! I'll be back. Oh, and Merry Christmas ma!

Ms. Jackson: Wow! I haven't heard that from you in years. Merry Christmas Willie!

Willie dashes out of the house to Ja'stasia's Nail Shop and Condom Wholesale.

Willie bursts through the door of the nail shop.

Willie: Ja'stasia! We need to talk!

Ja'stasia: Fuck you want Willie? I already called yo grandmama back and told her I got the polish she needs.

Willie: No, it's not about that. Look, can we go in the back and talk?

Willie and Ja'stasia go to the back of the shop where he explains to her what happened at the Maury show and offers to take another DNA test from a place of her choice. They agree and Willie leaves.

As he is walking down the street his phone rings and it's Mr. Peterson, the head of the dog competition that he used to work for.

Mr. Peterson: Willie, I don't know how you keep getting away with this, The Mirandas who are our biggest contributors said that their grandson Travis had the most fun he's ever had at the show when you threw that boomerang and he has even decided to become a dog trainer. Well long story short, we want you back if you will come back.

Willie: Hmmm, let me think...Just kidding OF COURSE I'll come back.

They work out the particulars and Willie hangs up.

Willie (to himself): Now there's just one more thing I need to straighten out.

When Willie got home he went to one of those people finding websites and looked up Isaac Mayfield. Two weeks later, Isaac was at the front door. When Ms. Jackson answered he proposed on the spot, and she accepted. As for Willie, Ja'stasia and Willasious, they found out what Willie already knew. Willie was indeed the father. They sued the Maury show and won $200 million. Williasious was voted to his first Pro Bowl 20years later.

El fin (The End)