A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS ACT 1

A SOFAKINGHOOD CHRISTMAS

Cast of characters:


Fahkir: Owner of Fahkir's Liquor and Pawn



Jeffrey Jingles: Neighborhood thief and Christmas Caroler



Ja'stasia: the ghetto "classy" wanna be diva. Hustles the men for what she wants and does nails.



"Cleta da chrima ho": 'nuff said



Willie Jackson: A guy struggling to come to grips with his strong dislike for Christmas due to where he grew up and still lives.



Our story takes place in a town called Sofakinghood where people specialize in ratchetness aka "nigga shit".



Act 1

Willie Jackson is on his way to his weekly court ordered appointment to see his anger management counselor who also happens to be the town weed man on the low. As Willie is about to head into Fahkir's Liquor and Pawn he notices a really nice car that he hasn't seen around here before.


Willie (to himself): Looks like some crackers must've made a wrong turn.


No sooner than the thought crossed his mind he hears singing coming from the alley next to Fahkir's. He peeks around the corner and sees Jeffrey Jingles with his shirt raised just above his belt standing in front of a scared looking white couple.
Jeffrey Jingles (singing to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas):

I know you see this pistol,

I know you see this pistol,

I know you see this PIS-tol, so give me your shit

I don't want to shoot you
but you know I will,

So take off all your shit bitch and give it right here....



Willie ducks back out of sight and enters Fahkir's.



Willie: What's up Fucker!? Lemme get--

Fahkir: My name is FAHKIR! Fah...Keer!!!

Willie: Man, whatever! And why the hell you talking with that Middle Eastern accent? Yo daddy Australian and yo mama Cambodian. Don't forget we went to school together AARON! Don't think for one second that you're fooling anybody with that big ass beard either. You just look like a Chinese railroad worker that needs to shave.


Fahkir: Man, fuck you Willie! I told you I shed my slave name when I found the nation. What you want?



Willie: Pssh! Miss me with that shit man, everybody knows you did that when you went to jail so the Muslims would have your back and nobody would make you their bitch! Anyway, lemme get two Peach White Owls and a box of Wine Black and Milds.



Fahkir: You must be headed to see Dr. Anderson?



Willie: Mind your business! Oh, by the way Jeffrey Jingles' roguish ass is in the alley sticking up a White couple. They should come running in 5,4,3,2....



White man bursts through the door shouting, "Call the cops we've just been robbed!!"



Willie(laughing hysterically): Ha ha ha ha, Peace out Fucker!!!



Willie leaves Fahkir to deal with the couple and sees their car speeding down the block.



(End scene)