Career Advice Guide for Slackers

Career Advice Tip #341: Running late? Don't show up 10 mins late, show up 3 hrs late so they'll think you had a REAL emergency.

Career Advice Tip #657: Running late? Can't be late anymore? Still have sick days? F*ck it, don't go!

Career Advice: Got errands to run during work hours? Show up out of dress code and do them when you get sent home to change.

Career Advice Tip #429: (for females) Wanna leave early? Wrap your sweater around your waist and tell them you "messed up your clothes".

Career Advice Tip #963: Need an excuse not to go? Tell them you're too distraught because your favorite show didn't win an Emmy.

Career Advice Tip #598: Don't wanna go, but need to save your sick time? Tell them you're there with them in spirit.

Career Advice Tip #036: Need an excuse for being late? Tell them they were playing "your jam" on the radio and you just couldn't get out of the car.

Career Advice Tip #786: Running late? Tell them Pastor’s still preaching, he's trying to break the Guinness record.

Career Advice Tip #168: Need to leave early? Stay in the restroom for 30 mins and tell them you got the bubble guts.

Career Advice Tip #231: Wanna get ahead? Tell your boss his lazy eye makes him look "distinguished".

Career Advice Tip #843: (female) Got competition for a promotion? Start a rumor that she gets ass injections.

Career Advice Tip #463: (male) Got competition for a promotion? Start a rumor that he responds to text messages with "K".

Career Advice Tip #315: If you're out of sick days, just call in dead!